I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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