started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
