your room smells of hookers.
And success
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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