I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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