That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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