apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
