I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So here I am, sexting at work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
