I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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