I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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