So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
