I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
