i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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