just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
