I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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