I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
