I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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