Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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