His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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