That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think my vagina is haunted
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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