the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well you can't waste a boner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
