so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
