Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize