I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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