Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
