I've blown a few things in my day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm always down for nudity.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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