Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
