My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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