No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for