i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
