I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.