My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml