Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
