Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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