apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
