sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
