wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
