I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
