Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
