are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
