Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
