Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
