Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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