Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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