Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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