woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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