New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
