i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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