i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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