Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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