A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
