Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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