she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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