Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
