This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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