i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
