it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
