my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
