He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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