I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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