did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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