i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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