he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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