K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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