Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
