I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
