Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
