yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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