Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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