We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
