I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
