yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
