I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize