found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
