I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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