Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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